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Why We Return.
A thoughtful answer to one of life’s meaner questions about toxic relationships
Not long ago I wrote a piece about having discovered that my toxic ex was back in town, and how damned hard it is to not look him up.
As well, how damned hard it has been for him to stop looking me up, and for both of us to quit this ugly-dance, which has been monumentally painful for us both.
In that magnificent way that the Universe works (a version of ask and ye shall receive, if you will) this morning I found this article by Thought Catalog, which is precisely the answer I was seeking.
I’ve been aware for a long time that anger and fury feed many of the same receptors in the brain that opioids do, but I hadn’t made the connection to a toxic relationship. It stands to reason, for the emotions are even deeper and more hurtful, therefore greater rage. Here’s the reason, from their article:
Unhealthy relationships also cause stronger trauma bonds (intense bonds resulting from shared emotional experiences) and an unwavering biochemical attachment. Research has shown that rejection by a romantic partner affects brain activity that is associated with addiction cravings, rewards and motivation; adversity-ridden relationships can also cause similar activity in the brain as cocaine (Fisher…