While I am quite sure that there’s a male equivalent to your complaint, I can attest to the relative mindlessness of perpetual outreach and no results. Shannon Ashley did a piece recently on the tender male ego (I am at the airport otherwise I d copy and paste) which I recommend if for no other reason than to have a good laugh at the assholes who DO respond, and you wish they hadn’t. There are legit complaints on both sides ( and to be fair, let’s include the LGBT community too) expectations are ridiculously high, reality is often spectacularly disappointing, and people lie like the terrified, insecure, self-important jerks we all can be on line. As someone who has partaken of the online dating circus on and off since 1998, I have (thank God, for now at least) taken down my profile. Unlike you, however, I have a six in the double digits and it ain’t the second number. Your age isn’t the issue. We are. And I mean all of us with our grotesquely overblown notions of what we have to offer and what we think we deserve. It’s a product both of the widespread narcissism of our times and the seemingly endless options, which feeds the impression that Ms or Mr perfect is out there if I just keep swiping right. Most of those folks are not interested in you and me. The right one will be.

Let’s be fair here. A great many of us post recent, clear, honest photos. We tell the truth about our work, our single status, our age. However, so many folks do lie that when we see what we consider a prime suspect, there’s legit reason to doubt, and to avoid being disappointed.

That of course doesn’t excuse the behavior you point out. I am simply saying that there may be reasons that have nothing to do with you or me. We are as a society short on both manners and common sense, and nowhere does that show up more than online dating.

Twenty years ago I rocked the same body I do now. Today my pics show all the activities that make my life full from skydiving to mountain climbing ( I just did Mt Kenya). My experience is that many who comment are extremely angry that I have the balls to be doing hard core adventure travel at nearly 66, and who the hell do I think I am anyway? Well, the answer to that is CLEARLY not interested in , asshole.

Look, the best revenge is a badass life. The time you spend swiping right on Tinder et. Al. In search of the resident perfect match could be better spent living out loud. For my money (and yes it does work for many) that kind of intense engagement is more likely to find us someone who at least shares our values and is intrigued.

That doesn’t make me right. It’s just an idea. The post-Christmas blues send millions back to Match every year. When I stopped looking, mine showed up. There’s something to be said for frankly not giving a shit.

I was in Australia years ago and made friends with a woman that I thought was pretty interesting. We had a hard time finding a time to have a dinner due to our schedules, so I was pleased we finally nailed a time. Then she called at the last minute to cancel, saying that a had asked her out. I never was able to reschedule, and I shortly thereafter list interest. I continued flying ultralights and scuba diving, and she continued having her life dictated by men. That was her choice. I think I got the better deal, because the guys I meet while doing those adventure s were, and continue to be, pretty damned interesting people. Like the one I am with now.

When you and I put our own lives as the top priority, work on ourselves and have a ridiculously good time at it, having the guy there becomes secondary. The right one will show up not a moment too late or too early. Meanwhile, go have fun. But that’s just my take. What do I know? I’m old …😁

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Horizon Huntress, prize-winning author, adventure traveler, boundary-pusher, wilder, veteran, aging vibrantly. I own my sh*t. Let’s play!

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