While embarrassing, this is Mama Nature’s way of saying wake the fuck up. I have far too many stories of doing this precise same thing, Jessica, but mine don’t have to do with old BFs. I’m just not paying attention, and I have indeed torn ligaments. Isn’t it fascinating how easily we’re transfixed on what’s wrong with US rather than celebrate the open road ahead? the greater possibilities that are offered? How many times do we succumb to the desire to want someone back so that we can return the favor of dumping THEM for no other reasons than petty revenge, or feeling as though we’re in control for a change?
We owe ourselves, and others in our lives, the courtesy of respect. We choose folks for a while, it doesn’t work out for one reason or another, and we move on. The only way you and I can upgrade is by graciously letting go and saying a quiet, private thank you to those who have released us or the other way around. That’s the only way we can be upgraded- by looking at who and what we are, the shit we carry, the mistakes we make, and do the hard personal work of, as you say, focusing on the trail. That trail is littered with the detritus of failures. That’s precisely as it should be. Each time we choose someone new it’s just as likely that THEIR ex is looking at us the same way we eyeball our ex’s new arm candy. She’s a faster runner. Prettier. Faster. Smarter. Sigh. Comparisons are odious. Truth is, we draw to us precisely whom we need, for as long as we need them, then move on. Otherwise we are stuck with a misfit. This is how we learn. Otherwise we never learn to focus on the trail ahead.