Which is just another expression of self-loathing. Of course I’ve done it. Of course every so often I find myself still doing it. Society and all its messaging and pressures has a way of pushing those buttons because we have all been so very well trained. No matter how badly I wish NOT to do this it on occasion spills out of me like a ghastly stream of ugliness. Hard to look at. The only thing I’m grateful for is that I know I do it, and because of that I can keep an eye peeled. That’s a measure of comfort. Cold comfort, but better than none.

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