We sell our souls to settle for…..whatever it takes to give us the sense that we are safe. When we aren’t. If I have to define my safety in terms of what I gave up of my own Becoming to be in a partnership, I’m done. To live up to a familiar or societal norm, I’m done. To check off the fucking “success” box because I had a ring- and am joined at the hip to a hellhole of a marriage just because it was somehow a measure of having made it that I made this kind of deal with the devil, I’m. Fucking. Done.
Forever, shit, Kris. We don’t live in the here and now as it is. We can’t understand forever. It’s as quaint a notion as Love At First Sight. I thought I had that too. What I had was pure Lust At First Sight. Totally fooled by my loins, I lost ten years chasing the Love of my Life only to find out he was an abusive POS. This is how we mindfuck ourselves.
As a recovering Disney cast member (forever, hahahahaha) I have had to slough off the Happily Ever Ever bullshit with a spoon. A dull one. It hurt. But shorn of that shit, I can at least appreciate the superbly fun time I had at the scuba diving practice pool yesterday on a first date (yes, in a goddamned bathing suit), laughing our butts off, and simply being in the here and now.
Wanna figure out forever? For my two cents, it’s always and forever right now. For that is all we have. Marriage guarantees nothing. Being present, doing our best with what you and I have NOW, is a lot better predictor of joy, personal growth and perspective.
But what do I know? I used to peddle Mickey Ears on Main Street, in costume, in the Magic Kingdom.