To this very difficult story I might add this:

What is so challenging is to face our own addiction to fixing someone we love. My family suffered through this with my big brother. My best male buddy’s biggest brother nearly drank himself to death. In some ways, it’s OUR addiction to being a savior that is part of the problem. They only get loving attention from us when they are in dire straits. This is a terrible two-step, and it costs us as much as or more than the addicts. But it also shows us that we too are addicted, in our own way, to their addiction. The hardest lesson is to see the pattern, step away, and save ourselves before they drag us into the infinite Black Hole that they create. Bereft of our constant caring, some can climb out. Not all, but in the grace offered when we take better care of ourselves, some see a way out. My brother didn’t. Yours did, and I salute your courage. My best male buddy’s brother also found his own way out when left to deal with his issues alone. Sometimes leaving them on their own is indeed the best statement of love.

Horizon Huntress, prize-winning author, adventure traveler, boundary-pusher, wilder, veteran, aging vibrantly. I own my sh*t. Let’s play!

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