To this, I might add that when we inevitably move the initial madly, deeply, passionately” stages, as do most of us, the real work of maintenance comes it. Far too many of us greet the sometimes humdrum, or boring, or rather tepid experiences of every day interactions as a loss of love. No. What that is is more a movement into what’s called a “normative phase,” the establishment of who we are as couple, not as intense, obsessed lovers. It’s as normal as an entrepreneurial phase that moves into a company with established ways of doing business. All life cycles are like this. They have to be. All life experiences some kind of crises or the entity dies of entropy, be it a worm, a love affair, a corporation (witness GE and Sears) or an entire ecosystem, a galaxy. It’s just life. Those of us who are addicted to the first giddy stages of love are forever doomed to never have anything last longer than a few months. For those, Match.com, Plenty of Fish et al are the perfect foil. Someday I’ll find the perfect parner. We’ll forever chase each other around the bedroom naked.

Wrong. You won’t.

I’m fortunate to be just as physically obsessed with my other half as I always was. That doesn’t mean we don’t get irritated, bored, annoyed, outright pissed off at each other. That’s life. It’s been 11 years so far. That’s the beginning of a marathon. Will we make it? Who knows? I change my expectations, I change my outcomes.

Good piece, Tesia. Thanks.

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Horizon Huntress, prize-winning author, adventure traveler, boundary-pusher, wilder, veteran, aging vibrantly. I own my sh*t. Let’s play!

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