This broke my heart, Jan. I don't assume you've seen this, but Cai wrote on Medium and I found her just before her ALS allowed her and her doctors to let her go: https://caiemmonsauthor.com/

I have rarely seen a braver human being. Hours before the procedure she submitted her final book. Your story brings all this up. Cai and I were two years and two days apart in age, and I am so very sorry that I never knew her. She was right here in Eugene.

I stand with your right to the dichotomy of feelings. Raw, vulnerable, awful, wonderful. All those things at once. Bravo for your honesty.