Thank YOU Viola. I might suggest that there is a way to see this disease that a lot of folks don’t address. I developed anorexia/bulimia as a way to avoid emotional pain. That’s a source of energy. An OCD like bulimia has nothing to do with food or nourishment; it’s role is to divert attention away from our pain. I had a predatory brother as a child, then military rape. That’s a lot to carry. The mind will do whatever it has to to avoid that kind of pain. For me no amount of counseling “fixed” it; if anything it brought all those issues right back up. I eventually learned that I needed to redirect the force of energy towards something positive. In my case, I use that energy to exercise (not compulsively), to write, and to do international travel, which for me is immensely healing. I am well aware that this force exists in me and that if I don’t point it towards something positive, it can turn on me in an instant. for what it’s worth, and it’s only my process, this helped me heal. I still have that history. However one thing I did was start searching for ways to make fun of my disease. I found instances in my life which, at the time, were horrifically embarrassing. In the light of history, and looking through another lens, I realized how funny they were. All great comedians learn to take pain and twist it. So think of this as one way to approach recovery- the moment you can find the funny in what you have been through, that has caused you suffering, you own it. You have mastered it. No internal monster that you find funny has power over you. Nothing that you can mock can own you. Only what we GIVE power to has power over us. Just something to consider.

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Horizon Huntress, prize-winning author, adventure traveler, boundary-pusher, wilder, veteran, aging vibrantly. I own my sh*t. Let’s play!

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