All I can tell you is that for each of us, this disease is a unique experience. Why we do it, what causes us to engage in it is as different as fingerprints. As much as I struggled with it- and thank god I no longer do-I had to learn the VERY hard way that it takes what it takes to move beyond it. I wouldn’t wish four decades of it on anyone. However, it serves a purpose, and part of our journey is to look for what that purpose may be. Sometimes it’s no more (but no less sacred) than to have empathy for others dealing with the same thing. While you and I would prefer not to struggle so, the higher voice does sometimes say, yes, that’s true, but without this experience, we have no compassion.
The greatest gift you and I both possess is our honesty both with ourselves and with others to which you allude here- when someone else speaks the truth, it begins to release us from prison. That’s extraordinary. Painful, but extraordinary. That’s the beginning.