Mr. Fritz, Your struggle is very real, and my heart aches for it. I'm not going to insult you by going there there, tut tut, you just don't understand. I will give you an analogy that may (or may not) help you understand that you're not alone in the trust issue, and that it can wear a lot of faces. I share a great deal of the same kinds of feelings about men, due to sexual assaults, multiple rapes and a lifetime of groping and forced touching. In so many ways what you write here parallels the struggle I have trusting men. There are enough similarities that I really, really feel the challenge you have, not just because I grew up with a Black family in addition to the fact that my own and the world of - in particular- the Southern Black is also my world. I got assaulted by my big brother right around ten. That set me on a life path which, when I read your difficult opening paragraphs, was so similar. I was constantly, forever begging for acceptance from men when I was and still am in grave danger from them.
Not all. Any more than you are in danger from all White folks. More so I think that the White Patriarchy punishes all of us, and in different but sometimes shockingly similar ways. There are terrific Black female writers on Medium and elsewhere who point out that White women are #2 on the social strata, and as such can be Gatekeepers in the White Supremacy movement. That makes them dangerous not just to you, but to those of us White women/men who walk across the city street both literally and figuratively to stand with our Black brothers and sisters, putting our bodies into the same danger. We pay other prices too. My readership has dropped by half since I became much more vocal about BLM. Fine. If my commitment to humanity costs me eyeballs, then I don't want those eyeballs. They are not my tribe. You are. For the fight for our humanity belongs to us all. All fights cost. Some are worth it. This one is. For my part, and I can only speak for myself, the business of allyship is real and deep work. All true work is.