May I suggest the lovely and thoughtful book Transitions by William Bridges? Small, slim, a fast read, and it will make enormous sense of everything you write about here. He’s long gone now,but his work lives on. You are, as we all do, experiencing the law-conformable, perfectly normal and predictable emotions that go with big life shifts. If you do nothing else, take the time, separately and jointly, to tally up what you have lost. Every change creates losses. We rarely take the time to acknowledge them, honor them, and then mourn them. Without this essential step we can neither move through the middle period of redefining ourselves, nor can we begin anew. Each step is a passage, full of its own portents and fears and great opportunities. But burdened with what we have not yet released, we can’t see, embrace what is presented to us in the now. It’s all sacred work.