Lot to unpack here, JS. I found so many men were so threatened by my lifestyle and my independence, and that gave them heartburn. Oh well.

Your first paragraph speaks directly to this notion of identification, a term I see a lot in certain studies that I take on. It has really, really deep roots, in that where we identify we can either gain or lose self, or gain or lose value, to your point, based the relative value of to what we have like lamprey eels attached ourselves. Trumpists are a fine example. If I identify too strongly with a public figure who then ends up being public trash, the downside, and we see this all the time, is that instead of decoupling ourselves from trash, we are so closely identified with X that we defend them to the end. That in a nutshell is how we hand away our power.

In our media-soaked society, it takes a fair bit of will and personal boundaries to distance ourselves enough to give space for those we admire, like, whatever, to fuck up. That’s human. If they fail, then with a clear head we can recognize that humanity. It’s when we convey this idiot god-like status to a Trump or Putin ( making them savior figures, if you will) that we sell our souls and independence.

As a fellow veteran, I’ve seen the same thing you have, Johnny. What scares me are all the ancients who spend nearly all their time at the VA, talking up the glory days of gore and blood and disease as though those were the best times of their lives. That’s one hell of a statement. We are constantly being asked to remake ourselves as we age, as we change, go from single to married or divorced, or a parent to single again to unemployed or what the fuck. I have a good friend, unemployed for two years, a top notch computer coder who still sees himself as a $150k a year coder. Not for two years, he isn’t. While I get it that needing me to send him food money (yeah, three months in a row) is horrible, speaking to one of your other points, above, he is where he is. Honestly, at the highest possible level, when he and you and I can let go of what we so dearly believe identifies us as valuable humans, that makes room for the next, often much better version of who we can be.

This is one of the great challenges most especially of our time. Being able to release ourselves from what defines us, or used to define us, and being ready and able and willing to embrace what’s next. It will hit you at fifty, and at sixty, just as it will hit me next year at seventy. I strongly identify as an adventure athlete. Truth is, I may have an accident that brings that to a full stop. What then? Am I gonna cry and moan? My buddy Maggie in Florida, who for YEARS dreamed of getting her IFR, got it at 69. Then she developed an illness, the med to deal with it keeps her grounded. There went the dreams of being a charter pilot. When I asked her about it she laughed and said no worries! I got my goal, now I’m painting. And she’s good enough to be selling them like hotcakes. That’s how you do life. We learn to let go, move on and ask what’s next.