Kris, I hear your points, and I also recognize that each of us responds to this piece- both Ms. Daum,’s and mine- in widely divergent ways. To that, first, it was not my intention to shame but to offer up a very different point of view. When I review the comments on this piece (which clearly struck a chord with a few folks), I find both sides. Yours, which is echoed by another writer, and then folks who heard what I read. Both are valid. Just as both POVs in the original pieces are valid. I have gone back several times and softened my original language not only out of respect for Ms. Daum, but also in response to various comments. To that, with the utmost respect for how you read the original piece, I did not get the same message that you did. That is of course our perfect right to see/hear/feel someone’s writing very differently. As I said in the piece, this is my take. That doesn’t mean that she is wrong for her viewpoint but that I personally take issue with the deeply depressive angle that comes across. When we move into our (hopefully) wiser years, Kris, one hopes that some of that wisdom is to recognize when what we write can be very, very dark to others, and triggering for depressive thoughts. Her piece was. That it didn’t strike you that way doesn’t make anyone wrong, just different. You are most generous by nature if your comments are any indication. Since I am increasingly focusing on ageism and how self-talk takes us down a very dark path as we age, when I come across what I receive as a negative piece I’m likely to call it out. To that, this is what Jan Flynn wrote: The impulse to share every dark corner of one’s soul with the world at large is one I’ve never understood. But it sure is common these days.

That is more my point. There are times that such conversations are to be had only with one’s self. That’s a judgement call, and one which, as we age, we might want to use with discretion. I’ve written such pieces, set them aside, and relegated them to a journal rather than pouring my sometimes poisonous thoughts into others’ brains. If nothing else I try to take into account how something might land, particularly with so many of us having had a very difficult year. Again, that’s my take, and I don’t expect you to agree. I appreciate your points, just as I did with Charlotte, above, after which I did indeed go back and rewrite parts of the story. Still, I stand by what I wrote about ageism. It does its worst work when we attack ourselves for getting older. That’s not an example I want to set, nor is it an example that those of us who hope to eventually become wise women might want to follow.