Jovan, it’s better than most. However, and this is the whole point, if the author, who is clearly very bright, had taken half a moment to read my profile, she’d have known immediately that I’m not a good client for her. The lack of personalization is what does it. Hers is far better than most of the mewling, repetitive, mealy, sounds-like-everyone-else messages. If she had written, instead, that she liked what I had written, had seen my book, or read a few articles, not only would that have been deeply flattering (and it almost always works, we are so self-absorbed) and commented on a few things, that would have completely changed the outreach.