J.E. I suspect you know what happened during China’s “one child” policy. Untold thousands of female newborns tossed on the trash like used toilet paper. It was horrendous. And of course in the end, when everyone grew up, there weren’t enough girls to go around, leading to smuggling, kidnapping and forced marriage. Any time the gov- anyone’s gov- gets into the business of telling people what kind or how many kids, it will backfire horribly. I agree completely.

I probably feel a bit differently about the suicide piece. While I get your point, or at least I think I do, I figure if you made it this far (as in having a life with options about how to lie it) make decisions based on your best wisdom. Mine was a combination of being mindful I’d make a horrid mother, and I personally believe in zero pop. That’s only my decision. I have friends who chose this path for precisely the same reason. Doesn’t make us right, it is just how we framed things based on our own best knowledge and intuition.

What frustrates me about people who impose their views on kid-free women- that we are somehow flawed or bad or damaged if we don’t have kids- is the implication that we owe the world because our bodies don’t belong to us. My sports chiro just today mentioned that now that she has one infant, barely three months old, she reported that people are already pushing her about her next. She is royally pissed about it because it feels like pressure. Her feeling was that it was invasive and an unnecessary pressure. Perhaps that’s in part what I’m trying to communicate. The way she receives this is as a breach of privacy.

We desperately need good moms. Moms who are fulfilled and happy and fully engaged in being moms. I am damned glad they exist. I’ve met plenty of them. My take has more to do with people who judge your value by whether or not you’ve been a mother. Mothering wears a lot of faces, which includes mothering animals or even the BFF. The instincts are there, they just need an outlet that works for the individual. The spunky individual, if you will. Thanks again for your comments.

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Horizon Huntress, prize-winning author, adventure traveler, boundary-pusher, wilder, veteran, aging vibrantly. I own my sh*t. Let’s play!

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