I know I’ve parented for White gazes, White comfort, White fragility, and White Supremacy, and for this I have apologized to my children. I’ll apologize to my sons until I take my last breath. No one should have to be born in such an oppressive state. I didn’t understand it then, but I know better now. When you know better, you do better, and I’m committed to not spending the last part of my life parenting the way I did the first part of my life.
It is not mine to judge. This I will say, MK, had you not done what you did, your sons may not have made it. The truth, the way I see it, is that you did everything you had to do. If you hadn't, you wouldn't be able to have this voice NOW. It's hard. Of course it is. But I wonder, do you really need to apologize to them- or build on the incredibly difficult prices you paid for your perspectives? I can't answer that, any more than I could say I might have been better off had I not been raped. Those things made me who I am. Gave me THIS voice. I love your voice. It is a voice born of pain, of sacrifice. That is part of its power. Your sons have every reason to be exceedingly proud of their Ma.