I would bet that many of us women who have been through this have asked for some kind of police involvement- and those of us who didn’t probably also have very good reasons why they didn’t. If the perp is a policeman, for example. If the perp is powerful, for example. I could on and on and on. Those women whom I’ve interviewed were, for example, isolated on submarines at sea. A vast array of unique and individual circumstances. Many of us have been threatened with death if we went to the police.

How does power and the police work? I’ll give you a perfect example, albeit it’s not about rape. John Elway is a slosher. He was and still is very well known to the Denver police force as a drunk driver. No matter how many times he got pulled over, he was given a free pass. Why? Nobody on the force wanted to be the one who busted a supremely popular QB. That’s how life works, life without the fantasy that powerful people also get caught. That a woman who has been attacked will either be safe, her perp caught, or her privacy, which has been brutalized, won’t be further brutalized.

Dave, your comment, and I understand your point, disregards a million million different and unique circumstances that drive every single one of our experiences as women. The impact of your choice of words-whether you intend it or not- is that nothing happened unless you go to the police. That’s fantasy thinking, number one, and it also completely disregards the uselessness of the DOC when it comes to going after rapists. Just Google what happens when we ask hard questions about the untold thousands, if not millions, of rape kits that nobody ever does anything about. Here’s a sampling: https://www.forbes.com/sites/janetwburns/2017/03/22/state-lawmakers-want-to-crowdfund-testing-for-rape-kits/#16e9fc785a19. There is rarely justice for these women, and you imply the police are the answer? Hardly. They are part of the problem, or the judicial system that determines what’s important and what’s not. Rapes aren’t, unless it’s a very high profile woman. I understand your point but it doesn’t hold up against reality.

You haven’t been through this. I have, as have some billion+ women worldwide. The system is not set up to protect us, it’s set up to protect the perpetrators. Whether that’s intentional or unintentional, that’s how the system all too often works. While you may not like what’s happening to your guy (and I suspect from your comments that you are for Kavanaugh, and that is of course your right) none of US liked being raped. Groped. Cornered in the dark and ground against with someone’s unwanted tongue down our throats. What. Go to the police about that? That’s just boys will be boys, right? Right.

I have spent my entire life being on the receiving end of this. A few were policemen. So you will forgive my relative doubts about how well the system works. That doesn’t keep me from supporting or dropping by my blues’ office here in Lakewood, which I do regularly, with bags of almonds. However, their time and priorities are driven by much larger forces.

You don’t have to agree with me, any more than I have to agree with you. That doesn’t make either one of us either stupid or foolish. It means we don’t happen to agree. My take is borne of both long experience and multiple rapes. That gives me a perspective you will likely never be privy to. Or at least I certainly hope not. But until you or someone very close to you like a daughter is violated, beaten and threatened, you can opine all you want. (Let me give you an example: I’m ex-military, but I never saw combat. I have no clue what that’s like. I can opine all I want about war’s effects on my fellow vets but in truth I have no clue. I haven’t been there.) As can anyone else. But you don’t know. You haven’t been there, you don’t know the stakes, you don’t know the mind-numbing fear. You don’t know the crippling shame that imprisons people for years in their mental shells. You speak as a man who has not had to pay this price, nor live the aftermath. That doesn’t make you stupid. It means you simply don’t know. Nor can you judge us foolish or stupid for not going to the police, who in all too many cases are part of the problem. On this we need to agree to disagree, without throwing darts. I respect your take. I have mine. We differ. And there is nothing wrong with that.

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Horizon Huntress, prize-winning author, adventure traveler, boundary-pusher, wilder, veteran, aging vibrantly. I own my sh*t. Let’s play!

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