I would add this thought. As a 67 year old woman, I share much of your history albeit not the dominatrix part. Beauty for me caused unwanted attention and rapes. And people for their own reasons demand it and then revile it, particularly because they believe that someone’s beauty gives them special treatment (it does) that they don’t have, as you state, but also that they don’t deserve it. That’s a whole other issue. Smart and beautiful aren’t assumed to walk hand in hand, any more than muscled and brainy. These are ugly stereotypes, just as bad as racism or ageism. We can’t make up our fucking minds. We as a society hate and love beautiful people, but have no clue the kinds of prices paid by those blessed with lovely genes. Nobody wants to feel sorry or have empathy either, when you admit to feeling terrorized by encroaching age, or the first wrinkle. Beauty is as much a trap as it is a way out of traps. You really can’t win. I am contemplating finally going grey, and could care less about the wrinkles. That ship sailed years ago.