I Just Had to Share This

On having a laugh at ourselves at year’s end

In this (now past) Christmas spirit of helping you stay merry just before the Christmas credit card bills roll in- and even Shaunta Grimes may not make enough to pay them all off in one month- I stumbled on a delightful article this morning that I just hafta share.

We as a society are obsessed with year-end listicles. Usually it’s about Famous People We Lost (and won’t miss much), or the Biggest Hits of 2019.

This one is ever so much better. Because The Guardian assembled a bunch of funny-smart mostly Millennial writers to take a very large poke at the dumb shit we did this past decade. Please, that would include all us Boomers who want so very badly not only to be woke but With It, as we used to say, being carried along by Very Stupid Trends (like ugly orthotic shoes for example) and grotesquely over-priced athleisure clothing. Or clean eating, which is hilarious, because no matter what you put in your pie hole dude, your shit is still going to be filthy and stink. WTF man. Go eat a goddamned Snickers. Or, you could suck on a Tide Pod, which sure as hell would cleanse your insides, as well as clean your clock when you have to head to the ER.

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Photo by Dan Cook on Unsplash

I particularly got a good guffaw out of the compulsion to spend more than $100 on the same sports bras I can find at TJ Maxx for under $13.00. Of course if you’re a rich asshole you can buy this one for more than twenty grand, just to prove you can, then join a Peloton cult and sweat with abandon all over that gold zipper. Like it matters. However I’ll buy mine from TJ’s.

That allows me to save my pennies so that I can avoid the moronic Instagramming crowds at overcrowded tourist spots. While those crowds are walking backwards over cliffs, I’m climbing less-popular mountains with nobody in sight, and riding horses in parts of the world that nobody ever heard of. May it stay that way.

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Photo by Rahul Chakraborty on Unsplash

As for Smart Homes, well. I can’t speak for anyone else but having grown up in an era when you had to get your ass off the couch to walk to the television set to change a channel, I am hardly motivated to invest in the invasion of my house, my privacy and my sexual proclivities (which I write about on Medium anyway) to allow Big Corporations Run by This Generation’s Robber Barons by getting a box that talks and watches every fucking thing I do. Call me silly, but I like to flip my own switches. While that of course requires physical effort- like walking across the room- the pleasure I get in saying fuck you to technology is worth it. The other day I noticed the blue light of my camera on while I worked on my laptop. I wasn’t using it. Someone Else was. So I pulled a Zuckerberg: I put tape over it. Turns out Zuckerberg doesn’t like invasion of his fucking privacy any more than we do, while he invades us as much as possible and sells us down the river. Did I say modern day Robber Barons?

I did.

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Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Perhaps the most bizarre is the bagel head, or forehead donut, which I happily missed, and even more happily eschewed (as opposed to chewed, which I do with my donuts, thank you). While I have doubts about the sanity of anyone who would pay to look as though he had just run his head into a brick wall at speed, I suspect that person is also wearing massively ugly shoes from Balenciaga, ridiculously expensive athleisure wear and looking as though he’s a cast member in costume for the next horror film.

While giving Silicon Valley permission to view the shit stains in his tighty- whiteys, the result of clean eating, of course.

Then, there’s the Instagram filter, about which I have written elsewhere, which we will have to use to remove said forehead donut, erase the price tag on our $20k workout bra, edit out our butt-ugly shoes, and put ourselves up on Tinder to try to find a normal human being. If there are any left.

GAH we are so gullible. Happy New Year. May we be slightly more sane, including how we vote, in 2020. And please, DO vote.

My thanks to the staff at The Guardian, which, much like National Public Radio, is kindly soliciting funds so they can keep on doing good work. I recommend it. Rather than spend ten bucks at Starbucks this morning (which, if you multiply that all year, means that instead of backpacking your way pre-paid around Thailand for several months, you’re begpacking instead of traveling responsibly. Hey, someone has to pay for your trip, why should it be you?)

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Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

On a more serious note:

I can’t speak for you, but I support organizations like National Public Radio. I also believe in supporting organizations which provide me with entertainment, news and opinion. That would include Medium, to which I contribute a great deal, and The Guardian. I often get ideas from their work and link to their stories. I have the responsibility to help pay others who do the work that I like to link so that you, Dear Reader, can enjoy those pieces. As soon as I hit publish, I am going to pay up. I hope you consider supporting those organizations which support you, too, whatever your politics may be.

Here’s their ad:

America faces an epic choice…

… in the coming year, and the results will define the country for a generation. These are perilous times. Over the last three years, much of what the Guardian holds dear has been threatened — democracy, civility, truth. This US administration is establishing new norms of behaviour. Rampant disinformation, partisan news sources and social media’s tsunami of fake news is no basis on which to inform the American public in 2020. Truth is being chased away. But the Guardian is determined to keep it center stage.

Rampant disinformation, partisan news sources and social media’s tsunami of fake news is no basis on which to inform the American public in 2020. The need for a robust, independent press has never been greater, and with your help we can continue to provide fact-based reporting that offers public scrutiny and oversight. You’ve read more than 8 articles in 2019, so we hope you can appreciate the Guardian’s choice to keep our journalism open for all.

“America is at a tipping point, finely balanced between truth and lies, hope and hate, civility and nastiness. Many vital aspects of American public life are in play — the Supreme Court, abortion rights, climate policy, wealth inequality, Big Tech and much more. The stakes could hardly be higher. As that choice nears, the Guardian, as it has done for 200 years, and with your continued support, will continue to argue for the values we hold dear — facts, science, diversity, equality and fairness.” — US editor, John Mulholland

On the occasion of its 100th birthday in 1921 the editor of the Guardian said, “Perhaps the chief virtue of a newspaper is its independence. It should have a soul of its own.” That is more true than ever. Freed from the influence of an owner or shareholders, the Guardian’s robust editorial independence is our unique driving force and guiding principle.

We also want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has supported the Guardian in 2019. You provide us with the motivation and financial support to keep doing what we do. We hope to surpass our goal by early January. Every contribution, big or small, will help us reach it. Make a year-end gift from as little as $1. Thank you.

Support The Guardian

Learn more

Let’s pay for our privileges, guys, including reading what others write so that we can laugh, learn and live better. Just saying.

Written by

Horizon Huntress, prize-winning author, adventure traveler, boundary-pusher, wilder, veteran, aging vibrantly. I own my sh*t. Let’s play!

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