I honor your honesty. It’s incredibly hard, John, and the real truth is that the grace is in the handling of the resentment, the anger, the feeling of lost time, the day to day challenges and demands when a part of us would really, really like a release. I hear you. My parents died at a full care facility, both quietly and in their sleep. It was time for each, and neither suffered a mental decline although my mother was overmedicated to her detriment. Had I known then what I know now, I’d have been in her doctor’s face like a mother Griz. Yet she was compos mentis until the end.
Sometimes we miss the real message in the passing of time, when it’s so easy to concentrate on what’s annoying or limiting. Then, aftef they’re gone, we forget so much of that. Some of us don’t get to say goodbye. You have a long slow one. Each has its costs. Be sure, no saint ever got the designation without having his or her asshole moments. That is part of what made them saints, after all. It’s tough slogging work doing the right thing. And you emotions are genuine, real, and raw.
Again, John, I salute your honesty.