I can offer you no advice whatsoever than to distance yourself as much as possible. My mother told me when I was WAY too young to hear this that when she heard it was a girl, she wanted to drown me right away. I am beyond understanding or even trying to comprehend why anyone does what they do, Lilith. Mostly out of pain, perhaps, but they sure set us up for interesting lives. I am sorry this is your lot. But so is your responsibility for removing yourself from her influence if you have any hope of coming out of this sane. That's not mine to advise, but I suspect your mother isn't likely to undergo a makeover. I left home at 16. I doubt I'd have made it had I stayed. Your life is different, and I wish you well.