I absolutely get that, Jane, and I also recognize the dichotomies to which we are all subject. On one hand, we can be enormously generous, and in the next moment, let fly a comment that speaks to a prejudice. Such were my parents. I do the same thing. I didn’t in any way think that your friend was a “closet Nazi”- and perhaps I could have worded that better. Rather, what I was trying, perhaps poorly, to point out is that society has, in the last few years, begun to normalize attacks on each other that are grotesquely unfair. I am no angel, I’ve done it myself, so it’s incumbent upon me to mind my mouth. Trump’s behavior has normalized ugliness to the nth degree.

That said, I can understand your dicomfiture. However, it’s also true that your story hits a responsive chord. For your truth- in our aging bodies about which we are all justifiably both embarrassed and vain- I think it takes courage to both call out a comment like that ( you can still adore your friend and not like a comment) and in doing so, engender a very legitimate discussion about how we undermine our sisters (especially our silver sisters) when we do not both openly and privately support their best efforts to handle the love handles.

The comment bothered me, of course- but more so because it brought up so many memories of being on the receiving end myself, how much damage that does, and how difficult a battle it already is to with our bodies. We don’t need a peanut gallery. We need positive reinforcement, which graces everyone.

Thanks as always for your thoughtful response. I simply took that and did a leapfrog into the larger issue.