Hi Christopher,

Our great and universal challenge -especially when it concerns those we love- is to find that delicate balance between support and intrusion. My partner- who is a very serious bodybuilder- eats an enormous amount of sugar and has other dietary habits which concern me. While his body is in very good shape, I am well aware that that is dietary choices are not good at all. However, if I intrude, comment, opine or otherwise interfere, it won’t be well-received. This is our challenge. Even when that partner is clearly having health challenges and the symptoms are clear indications of the need to shift our focus towards better body care, that isn’t always going to be enough. In so many cases, if we do indicate concern, people often respond by behaving badly precisely the same way a bratty kid will. They go out and buy a dozen donuts or whatever just to prove a point.

The journey of self care is so difficult and private that it’s full of land mines. All of us have to make that potent decision that we’re worth caring for. Those outside us- especially our intimate partners- have the most to lose if we get ill. In so many cases, our GPs have no clue how to help us, either. Hell, most of them know nothing about nutrition, given that they barely get twenty hours of training. So I’m unlikely to listen to a GP, whose health is likely to be questionable as it is.

Sometimes all we can do is wait until our loved one experiences a genuine scare. That’s awful, but it may be the only way that they wake up. I hope that doesn’t happen to you and your family.

For many, Christopher, it has nothing to do with being thin. That’s no guarantee of healthy. Fit is fit, at any size. That’s determined by BP, pulse, our cardio vascular health, our ability to be functional in life. As in, climb the stairs, as you point out. When we can shift the conversation to being functionally healthy as opposed to having the “perfect body” (puhleeze, who but models do?), that takes some of the intense and unfair pressure off. Sometimes when that happens people can feel comfortable to find what works for them, not some insane and unapproachable ideal. I wish you the best.

Horizon Huntress, prize-winning author, adventure traveler, boundary-pusher, wilder, veteran, aging vibrantly. I own my sh*t. Let’s play!

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