First, thanks for your thoughtful response.

Let me tease out the most important of your comments, with which I heartily agree: I am right where I am supposed to be. If I weren’t I wouldn’t be where I am in life.

Given that I believe this is accurate, that is part of what begs the question, why is not having a life partner “right” for this life? This of course is something I look at pretty hard. And of course, I have no answer. I have what I have. If I believed in a punitive Universe or an Angry God I would indeed “wallow,” however I have an extremely hard time justifying that given the life I live.

I believe that we do choose our path at some level- and while at the surface we don’t always recognize that, there is something in us that draws something towards us for the sake of evolution. We don’t have to agree with it. In fact, that’s meaningless. What is available is to embrace those situations and conditions we do have, and find a way to be at peace with them.

I have a bit of difficulty with the words bad luck if only because if I challenge the notion that you or I or anyone else is “lucky,” then that implies we had nothing to do with the conditions of our lives. Same with bad luck, which, in that sense, happens rather frivolously, and religions have great fun manipulating both to “prove” that some invisible man in the sky has favored or not favored us to day because of the amount of money we put into the collection plate. You will pardon my cynicism, there is reason for it.

Rather, I think that finding Peace with what we have created, and we do, and finding joy in the conditions of our lives, and I do, it’s more a matter of choosing to look with wiser eyes.

To your point about relationships and what we give up. I would agree. My point is how much do we give up. This wasn’t a statement of take it or leave it. That was my brother’s attitude with his girlfriends and it’s toxic. It’s a statement more about forfeiting enormous parts of who you and I are just to have company. Big difference. I have been quite happy to accommodate, give in at times, and negotiate- to me all of life is a negotiation. Where I have trouble is when someone expects you to change who you fundamentally are in order to attract a mate.

When I have felt as though I had to forfeit, change or carve off huge pieces of myself- and it’s happened before- just to have someone’s company, I’m in toxic company. They never stop demanding more. What you’re describing is that inevitable give and take that happens in healthy exchanges. Not what I was addressing.

Thanks as always for your comments.

Horizon Huntress, prize-winning author, adventure traveler, boundary-pusher, wilder, veteran, aging vibrantly. I own my sh*t. Let’s play!

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