Elyse,

Thanks for your honesty. I am deeply sorry that you had to change who you were to have any kind of friend of any kind of color. None of us gets to this point without having a piece of whatever complicity we engaged in, like it or not. Discomfort with it is not your problem. I've written about this elsewhere but this isn't the place. The only gift I have to offer those whom I call my friends- and my closest inner circle includes gays, Blacks, Hispanics and others- is to listen. I would take a bullet for any of them. They know that. As for right now, the only single thing I can offer is a safe place to be heard. Whether I am comfortable with what they say isn't their problem. What Is important is whether I am capable of loving them enough to simply listen. Of course it's hard. To those who don't have to live with "hard" 24/7, who live constantly with "be careful out there," your discomfort right now is meaningless. As is mine. If we're not willing to fight for our friends, I might challenge our definition of friendship.