Ed, I have written fairly extensively about this elsewhere. I live now with a man 17 years my junior, with whom I’ve had an on again off again relationship for eleven years due to his travel schedule. On the off times, I was on dating sites. He’s my type as I am his- intensely athletic, successful, a very full life. He’s a home body. I do the international adventure travel. He’s smart, handsome, very very fit. We are like magnets, have always been, and now that he’s home we are giving this a full-time shot. We both train like banshees which is one of the reasons we’re together. I train even harder than he does.
The “lofty image” comment referred to my notion of being a good communicator. I’m better outside the home than in. So is the BF, largely because we’re both highly independent and quite accustomed to living alone. We’re finding a few clashes here and there but not because of age. More because of long habits. We still scare the crap out of each other coming around corners because we are so used to having nobody else in the house. I suspect we’ll make it if neither of us has a heart attack. We found that time apart didn’t work as well as time together. Clearly there was something solid there or this wouldn’t have lasted eleven years.
To your point, and here’s the rub: had I found an older man who was in my kind of shape, I might have been interested. Those who are, and who are on Match and other dating sites, are seeking skirts half their age or younger. I have no issue with that whatsoever. They want a fit partner and so do I. I don’t find old, fat, sloppy and sedentary attractive. Neither do they. Those of us who train as hard as I do would rather be alone than hook up with someone who doesn’t share the values of hard work on body, mind, spirit and emotions. As it was, just before I got back with the BF, I had a date with a guy my age for dinner who billed himself as an “athlete.” Not even close. Not by any stretch. Not only that, he regaled me for an hour with a blow by blow account of his most recent colonoscopy. OMG, puhleeze. I cannot do “old people” talk.
People wonder why they’re single. Your matchmaker friend is spot on- most of the folks who fill out profiles are remarkably dishonest, and many put up photos that are decades old. It’s insulting to say the least when the real thing shows up. My photos always were dead on accurate, which is what got the BF and me together in the first place. His were too. That’s a huge part of the chemistry here. It is increasingly hard to find someone who has a lifetime dedication to fitness, not just a fad or a stage they’re going through. This is for life, forever. Fit tends to be attracted to fit, in all spheres. Not in all cases. But for the younger men I’ve dated since I was 30, that’s a value that has been of primary concern.
When it comes to our intimate partners, Ed, chemistry carries the day. Here is where preferences come in. Just as you have every right to yours, I have every right to mine. I would never work with a matchmaker because they would not put me in front of my type. I found my type. It works for both of us. Whether that’s true for the long run is anyone’s guess, but that’s true for all relationships. There are no guarantees. I appreciate your comments.