Dick,

Thanks as always for your kind comments. I don’t honestly know if it’s because I have more than my fair share of testosterone, but I so completely understand man caves. My BF moved into my basement bedroom about seven weeks ago, and one of the key elements that makes this work is that I don’t go into his space without asking permission. He told me just before moving in that he goes “into a rabbit hole” when he’s working on a software problem and deeply resents being jerked out of it especially if it’s about which way the toilet paper got loaded. I am the same way. There are days I just need to be left alone to process whatever needs to be processed. I am very good at that on my own, and if I want to talk, I’ll seek it out. What this has earned me with the BF is that every so often, he will unleash, unload and talk about absolutely everything- when he’s ready. As I am much the same way, I can absolutely appreciate that timing is the key here. Recognizing that just as with any animal, body language is a dead giveaway. When someone isn’t all there, is stressed out or desperately needs to unwind with a soccer game and NOT a conversation, it’s time to back away. That’s gracious. Graciousness feeds love. When the BF is ready to talk, by God he will. I’ve earned that trust by not forcing him. I might say that I’d like to hear more about him, and he knows that, but he has to choose time and place. That’s not insulting. It’s courtesy. I get the same from him. Maybe that’s age, or experience, or road rash, who knows. What I do know is that this kind of common courtesy is damned rare anymore.

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