Dave, to your point, after the second betrayal, I ended up being a model soldier. Nobody had a clue, and during the decades that I had eating disorders nobody had a clue about those either. I t might be useful to Google “masking behavior” to get a better understanding of how this works. Each if us responds and copes very differently. I wouldn’t in a million years state that someone should or shouldn’t (fill in the blank), or that this is what we should “expect” to see. None of us knows what the dynamics were/are. Again, while I both value your points and hear what you’re saying, it is hard to relate unless you’ve been through something very similar. I was seven years older, had been on my own since the age of 16, and a host of other factors came into play. We can, none of us, make judgments about another person’s unique experience or say that it did not happen because she didn’t do X. She may well have, Dave, and not one of those people wants to go through what she’s experiencing right now. For good reason. My God, I wouldn’t want to.
This is part of why this gets so thorny. Everyone has an opinion, people are happy to armchair quarter back (we can’t help it), but ultimately, “shoulds" in retrospect are meaningless. Then if you add in factors like family culture, Jungian archetypes in response to stress, well it’s deeply complex.
I am not arguing with you. I see what you’re saying. From where I sit, having been through this, I know what can happen when you report. After that I buried it so deeply that no one outside that LTCs office knew. Not my family, no friends, nobody. The sense of shame, that it was all my fault were potent demotivators.
This is a difficult, fraught issue. That it’s been so severely politicized, and people feel strongly about who wins ( and nobody does here) make it very hard to have thoughtful discourse.
I appreciate your thoughts and input.