Because that could cost us: we go public, and then OUR White friends begin to inch away, as though overnight our skin got darker. As if, we got something on us.

Ya think? How about we grew more of a conscience?

While I think that there are inherent issues with tribalism, which we see writ large today in America, I would argue, Brianna, that when our friends' collective character (or stunning lack thereof) would indeed be a fine time for us to start to do some serious pruning. For if those five people with whom we spend the most time define us, and they do, then it behooves us all to do a very serious assessment of the moral backbone and value system of those people, be they White or Black or whatever.

I am old enough and done enough Deep Work to recognize that some of these reactions you describe are what folks do when they are deeply embarrassed or shamed about behavior that reflects badly on them. That said, when those emotions arise you do not blame the person who caused them to rise. They're the messenger, not the message. The message is the gift. For the feelings indicate necessary housecleaning. The truly courageous among our friends are grateful - and they launch into the real work. Which is precisely what makes the best of them worth having as friends.