ANY time people minimize other's lived experiences it's insulting. "You just don't understand how it really is" is the favored response to what a minority has to say about how they are treated. What don't you understand about what happens to you? Really? How on earth is it okay to dictate a lived experience to someone else? I've had this kind of thing said to me about my rapes (there were more than one in the military) and it's insulting beyond insulting. Truth is painful, but that's not the problem of the person who has lived it. Our truth is simply our truth. That it causes others discomfort is not our responsiblity. To imply that it's not a big deal is saying that someone else's experience is more important than yours.