Ann, you’re very right about this. I chose to pull away… and it took her a very long time to take notice. There’s no blame here; I found it so draining to be around her that I had to protect my heart. Loving her enough to completely let go without making her wrong was part of my process. Not easy. But as she got more militant, I got softer, and this is a person whose idiosyncrasies I know pretty well even as I observed her changing. We are all co-creators in our relationships. The compulsion to blame someone else for the dissolution of a friendship is, to me, irresponsible. There was something about who I was becoming that clearly disturbed her, which is why it’s so important for me to hold her with love in all ways. Selena had always been the stronger one in our partnership and I had always deferred to her. It’s entirely possible that as I came more fully into my own, she may have at some level resented the shift of power, and even more likely, with absolutely no idea of what was going on. One really important piece here, which deserves its own article, is intent vs impact. I seriously doubt Selena ever intended to cause hurt. Her actions had impacts, just as my changing, and then choosing to quietly let the friendship pass into the past, had impacts. We own all our own results. Selena and I didn’t quite agree on this; again, there is no right or wrong. Only different. Thanks as always for your thoughtful comments.

Horizon Huntress, prize-winning author, adventure traveler, boundary-pusher, wilder, veteran, aging vibrantly. I own my sh*t. Let’s play!